How Could You Be So *heartLESS*

So I've been off the blog for awhile...been busy doing some reflecting. You know how that goes. As the year comes to a close, a lot of us tend to reflect on the past year and grade ourselves. Well overall, I give myself a C+. Hey, I'm an honest chick. BUT, as always you find these crazy random things that you need to work on. Thanks to KANYE WEST, I have found something I need to work on kinda on the ASAP tip.
First of all, if you haven't copped the Kanye West "808s && Heartbreak" album, you're slackin. But that's neither here NOR there. I'm sure you have heard the song "Heartless". ((It's that shit)). Here's what I've realized...that crazy mean heartless bitch he's talking about.....
THAT'S ME!!!!!!!!
I AM that heartless girl he is talking about. You see, I have spent my life reeling these guys in (some good, some bad). I reel them in on hope, dreams, sex appeal, and "love"&&affection ONLY to flip the script on them when they least expect it. One day I am all over this guy on some crazy in love type shit...the next day I'm screaming and yelling, damn near making a list of everything wrong with them. The funny part is, I do all of this nonsense, only to attempt to reel them in again. A few of them aren't havin it...a few of them are. I send these guys on a crazy rollercoaster ride only to be standing there when the ride is over with this "baby, why aren't we talking" or "baby, why are you mad at me" look on my face. This is a problem.
Now, THIS is what REALLY gets to me...I don't play these childish games with the bad boys...you know those boys I really shouldn't be dating in the first place...the ones that treat me wrong and all that shit. NOPE! They get the ROYAL treatment. It's the GOOD guys, who get sent for a tailspin. I feel bad for the poor guys...because they meet the nice, chill, super down Morgan. The one that makes them be like "yeah, she's that chick." But, by the time it's all said and done, they are asking themselves "why did I ever fuck with her?" And this just shouldn't be. However, it is the story of my life. Today...that shit changes.
You're probably wondering what started this whole rant (mother fucker, like I told you earlier, it was YEEZY). DAMN! Pay attention! But it was ALSO this really cool guy that I did in. I'll give you a QUICK synopsis: met him @ his job...sooooo super cute....nicest guy I've met in awhile...we clicked like instantly (call is same sense of humor or sarcasm if you will)...started kickin it...texting all the time...i ADORED him...BUT he was one of those guys who knows EVERY POSSIBLE GIRL in the city of ATL...and that annoyed me...because not only did he know them, but he would speak to them IN FRONT OF ME...so that triggered something in me...I went into *heartless* mode...but not only that, I went into *PARANOID* mode as well (Kanye was on some REAL TALK on this album)...I was constantly asking "why are you talking to this girl, that girl"...it became something I didn't want it to become...I became THAT girl...and that's not even me...so of course I turned it on him on some real ruthless type stuff...just being a bitch...he wasn't having it...so of course I then resorted to the pathetic girl role(which all of my ladies know is really PANIC mode)...he was DEFINITELY not having that...kinda givin me the whole "you dug yourself this hole..." shit....words were exchanged, things were said, a scene was caused at his workplace (lmao..ok thats not even funny)...but long story short, it was OVER.
Now looking back on it, I realize that he wasn't trying to disrespect me or hurt me...he's just honestly a NICE guy who has mad friends (girls and guys). Period. And at the end of the day I'm left feeling stupid because hands down, he is the COOLEST guy I have met since moving to Atlanta. No questions. Ladies: you know how you have dinner with your girls and all you say is "i just wanna meet a cool guy who makes me laugh, is not on some bullshit, calls me when he says he will call, etc". Well, I had him. And uhhh yea....so that's all bad.
I'm someone who is honest with myself...I won't kid myself and ever say that fence can be mended although I really hope it can be one day. But, I will say that it's one of the biggest learning experiences if I ever had and if I needed to lose an amazing guy, then I can find peace and contentment in that. You live, you learn, and you grow...sometimes at the expense of others and sometimes at your OWN expense.
To that guy: You are the SHIT. Period. Don't ever let ME or ANYONE else tell you otherwise. I was an idiot and some little kid type stuff. Real talk. I can admit that. From every heartfelt part of my being, I APOLOGIZE to you for the madness. NONE of that was on YOU. It was all ME and my insecurities. You did nothing but make me laugh and make me Chef Boyardee at 4 am. :) You are the best and I really hope you find hapiness no matter who it is with or who it is without. You're a little on the weird side (with your random sarcastic comments, obsession with fashion and music, and slight alcoholism)...but I guess that makes you even more amazing. But yea, I apologize to you because that person was not even ME. ("This fashion show sucks, let's go home and makeout...I just think we should go home and make out") LMAO...Oh and as for that "other half" of yours...he's the shit too...DEFINiTELY an alcoholic, but the shit nonetheless. I truly adore the both of you.
To my readers: PLEASE do NOT think these random, personal rants will happen frequently. Because they will NOT! I just had to get this off of my chest and have a diary moment. Most of that probably didn't even make sense to you anyways...and it wasn't supposed to. Now, back to the fashion, gossip, bullshit, and everything else!
*~*SMOOCHES FROM MO*~*